FIN IS 11 MONTHS!!!

Happy 11 months love bug!  How is it possible that we are 11 months in on this journey of parenthood!?  It feels like Fin has been in our lives forever and yet it has only been 11 short months.  She has changed our world in the most magical way and yet each month I get a little more emotional as my baby grows up and this little human fireball has really started to emerge.  This past month Fin has perfected her walking and is really cranking up the speed.  She hasn't figured out holding mommy and daddy's hand yet but one day she will. :)   Her personality is off the charts and frankly I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going to be like when she gets more vocal.  Jeremy swears she is me in a tiny body, and well he may be right.  She is extremely determined to do what she wants and wont let anything stand in her way and I hope that is a quality that will take her far in life.  She may have my determination but my goodness does she have her daddy's curiosity and facial expressions.  Sometimes I swear they're clones of each other and it's the most adorable thing I have ever seen.  Fin is still such a happy kid and when she enters the room it is almost like she knows that she owns that room and it is hysterical.  Her personality is def big and she will melt your heart with one smile.

This month we did have our first low grade fever and our second little cold but like a true stud she continued to terrorize the dogs and never skipped a beat of playing and running all over the house.  She has her 2 top teeth working on her and one broke the gum this morning and it's going to be a little sad when that 2 tooth smile changes.  Luckily I grabbed some fantastic photos of it this past month.  We even got another great milk bath on the books and am happy to say she did amazing.  Some of our studio photos were a little dramatic but don't worry I made sure to include some of the alligator tears ;) Check out a recap of this past month below!!  Happy 11 months Fin! We love you!!

FIN IS 10 MONTHS!

10 months!!!  10 months!??!!  How am I already planning this kids first birthday? But happy 10 months my gorgeous girl!! This past month has had some BIG milestones!  At 9 1/2 weeks to the day Fin took her first solo steps!!  I was on the phone with Jeremy and she took 4 steps towards me.  It was one of the most exciting moments so far.  Then the next day she climbed the entire stairwell.  (Don't worry mama was right behind her).  This girl will not be slowed down!  And every day since the walking has been increasing and the crawling is decreasing.  It is absolutely surreal to have this little human toddling around but it is so much fun to watch. 

Fin is weighing in at around 20.8lbs and seems to be getting more muscles everyday lol! Her hair is also FINALLY long enough to put into a pony tail and shes looking more like a kid than ever before.  Her favorite foods include tacos, avocado, scrambled eggs, and blueberries.  She is ALL over the place and has discovered the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and also likes to try to open the oven (lord help me).  She continues to enjoy playing in the dog's water dishes and her favorite game is to put blankets in the water then starts flinging the wet blankets all over the kitchen.  And we do this game every. single. day.  She loves her puppies more than ever and I think they have really been enjoying all of the food she now shares with them during her meals. ;)

Overall this month has been a really exciting one and Fin is definitely not a baby anymore.  As much as it breaks my heart to see her becoming a little kid it really is incredible to watch.  Her personality is truly shining and I cannot wait to see the sass that this next month brings.  Pictures are getting harder to take but thankfully the smiles are still off the charts.  Here are some of my favorite images from this month!

FIN IS 9 MONTHS!!!

9 months already baby girl!  I am still in shock that you are mine and every single month you become more and more adventurous and amazing.  Always keeping us on our toes and certainly becoming the mini version of both Jeremy and I!  This month has gone by the quickest so far and I have a feeling that is only going to continue with each month.  This crazy girl is nonstop from the moment she wakes up until she goes to bed.  This month Fin has really started to get brave as she cruises the furniture at lighting speed giving me a heart attack every time she reaches a little too far on the damn coffee table!  She is balancing and standing ALL the time and when I put her down she will no longer sit but stand instead.  She is walking great when we hold her hands or when pushing her cart so maybe walking on her own is just around the corner.  Jeremy saw her take one step then put her hands down so I think the confidence is getting there.  We were brave and tried peanut butter and a few more exotic foods and she seems to really like them all.  We also swear we heard her say doggy this past week!! She weighs a little over 20lbs but will get her exact weight and height today!  She also has a second tooth that is starting to break through the gum but is certainly taking its time ;)  Her favorite toys are, oh wait who needs toys!?  Fin's favorite things include the tv remotes, coasters, packages of baby wipes, finding little pieces of paper, grabbing for her puppies, and of course trying to teeth on our cell phones.  HAH!

This month was also a big one for us as a family, as we ventured to the OBX for our first family vacay!  The drive down was a nightmare with barking dogs and a teething baby but we made it and had the most incredible time.  Fin fits right into our beachy family and absolutely LOVED it!!  She was a little apprehensive at first but by the second day she was ALL about the sand!  We took A TON of photos and even got our own family portraits done.  She didn't love her bath this time and kept trying to get out BUT we got what we needed. ;) Everything about this month was amazing!  I cannot wait to see what the next 3 months bring us!  Here are my favorite photos from the month!! Happy 9 months you wild girl we love you!!

FIN IS 8 MONTHS!!!

Little beauty what a month it has been!  You have taken crawling and climbing on everything to a whole new level. No surface on this main floor of the house has gone unexplored!  Fin is pushing her push cart like a pro, practicing balancing and standing without holding onto anything, and cruising the furniture has begun.  She is also saying dada, mama, and bahbah!  Yes dada was first, but mama wasn't toooooo far behind :).  Her personality is REALLY coming out and her curiosity and determination are like nothing I have ever seen.  I love it but it's also a little terrifying! HAH! This month we had a lot of outdoor hikes, playing on the water table, cut our first tooth, and are experimenting more with new foods! Brave mommy finally gave her eggs!! This month our goal is peanuts! AHH!  We also broke out the finger paints and let her go wild for earth day!  Finley you truly are a remarkably kid and your daddy and I love you more than anything.  I cannot believe you are already 8 months old!  I love and hate how fast time is going because I love seeing you learn and explore but sad when you wake up and look more grown up than when I put you to bed. You are the greatest thing this life has given your daddy and I and we love you so incredibly much.  I hope you never lose your wild spirit and that hunger to learn!  I know one day you will conquer the world.  Happy 8 months my little love <3!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

It's Fin's first Halloween and what better costume than a little witch!!  I decided to incorporate her costume for her 2 month milk bath by changing things up a bit and doing a BLACK BATH BOMB!  AHHH!  It was so awesome!!!  The water was the perfect!!  I couldn't decide on my favorite so here they all are!!  HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

FINLEY'S BIRTH STORY

It's OFFICIAL!!  I AM A MOMMY!! :) What a whirlwind the last 3 weeks have been.  This is really the first time I have been able to sit down and put into words how intense and how amazing and life changing this entire experience has been. 

The crazy birth excitement began Thursday August 24th, at 6:30 am with an induction at 41 weeks.  I didn't really have much of a birth plan because everyone told me the more you have your mind made up about how you want things to go, the more they go the opposite.  So my main goal was to go in open minded and not have my mind set on anything.  However, I really was hoping to not be induced or get a c-section. HA! Joke was on me because here we were at 41 weeks and nothing but several false alarms in the weeks prior.  So most of thursday was spent watching Stranger Things on Netflix and trying to rest up for when the meds got my labor to kick in. 

It did start to kick in later that day and wowee it came on fast.  I spent hours on my birthing ball, breathing through the contractions while Jeremy was putting pressure on my lower back and was making sure the Pink Floyd was playing to keep me as relaxed as possible.  This went on for what felt like forever and with each hour the contractions got closer together and started getting more intense.  I was exhausted already and I knew we still had a long way to go, and I started to debate the epidural.  For me the epidural scared me.  There is so much pressure to go all natural, and while that sounds great, knowing how slowly you are dilating and how the pain is getting worse, well it was a no brainer! Epidural please!  Honestly, it was the best decision I made because I finally got a breather and by the time they broke my water I was able to rest for a little bit.  They even did an ultrasound to make sure Finley was in the correct position and she was!  Good news!

The next morning is when things got real.  By 9 am I was fully dilated and I was ready to push.  The first set of pushing only lasted a few minutes and because Finley was not really moving down, we opted for the amazing peanut ball to help naturally progress her further without exhausting myself from pushing too early.  Hours went by and Finley started to naturally progress and it became time to push again.  Over two hours of pushing passed and I felt like she just wasn't coming. And the pain started to get worse.  The crazy thing about an epidural is yes it helps VERY well with the labor pain, but back labor is different and it doesn't do ANYTHING.  So naturally I was getting increasingly discouraged and tired.  And I was in a lot of pain.  And Finley was not coming.  We eventually had to make the call to try the vacuum in hopes that would get her out.  Cue the waterworks.  I was a mess but at this point something had to be done.  Unfortunately, she didn't budge and the doc made the call that we needed to do an emergency c-section.  I just lost it. Full blown hysterics.  I was terrified, in so much pain, and seriously freaking out.  I don't think I had ever been so scared in my entire life.  The other part of my "birth plan" was hoping I would not need a c-section.  HA! Here we go again!  The whole surgery was just bizzare!  The craziest part was Jeremy was talking to me one second and the next we heard this cry and we both yelled,"is that our baby?"  And then there she was!  The most amazing little person with a full head of black hair wailing as the doctor lifted her up for us to see her.  And here she was born at exactly 4pm.  I seriously felt like I was dreaming.  And thankfully my anesthesiologist was AMAZING and had music playing for me and talked to me the entire time when Jeremy was with Finley.  A few minutes later they brought her to me and I got to hold her for the first time.  My beautiful baby girl weighing 8lbs 11 oz and was 20 inches.  It was absolutely surreal.

Fast forward to getting back home because the next few hours and days were not the most pleasant and well that part is over! :) Recovery has been a little harder that I expected but that's because you really cannot do a lot those first few days and I had to rely heavily on Jeremy.  Who, thank God, has been AMAZING.  And if you know me I do not do well being unable to do anything and be stuck in the house.  But each week the pain has gotten less and I am able to do A LOT more.  We have really enjoyed the cuddling and the bonding and just figuring each other out.  I have been super emotional and overwhelmed at times but I think that's totally normal!  You really forget how much your body has just gone through and the emotional toll it takes on you.  Your world has completely changed and you have all these new emotions and worries and I have to remember that it's ok to cry sometimes.  My biggest reminder to myself has been to take it slow and heal and just enjoy the baby snuggles while she's still so tiny!  And also to just go with the flow and that has COMPLETELY helped me to relax and enjoy every day so much more!  Even when my little stinker has not cooperated for pictures at all!! LOL!!  I have had to accept that the 1-2 photos we get each time we attempt a photoshoot are a HUGE success.  Which is hard when you are photographer and want everything to be perfect!  So here are some of my favorite shots we have taken so far and some pictures from her birthday(thanks to my amazing hubby). Happy 3 weeks baby girl!!

MY PREGNANCY JOURNEY

HOLY COW! We are down to the final 4 weeks of this pregnancy (hopefully ;) )and I cannot even believe it.  It feels like yesterday we were starting our IVF injections and I had NO idea how this journey would unfold.  But here we are about a month away or so from meeting our baby girl and I am SO EXCITED.  I have truly been blessed that this journey has been an extremely positive one and I have been able to continue to do the things I love while also growing and nurturing my precious baby. 

I have learned so much about myself these last 8 months and also have seen the incredible things the human body can do.  With every kick I am constantly reminded that there is this little person inside growing and it feels so surreal.  It's bizarre and unpredictable and honestly a little scary!  But it has been an adventure I am still trying to savor every single day!!

THE MOST INCREDIBLE part of this journey so far has been able to capture my pregnancy with a photographer I have admired for years.  Her work is absolutely the most inspiring and unique and truly captures the magic of life.  The original plan was for maternity photos for both Jeremy and I, but life, as I've learned, likes to throw us curve balls and Jeremy was unable to come with me.  But Jeremy told me I had to go anyway and get my dream photos.  So i ventured to Boston solo for the night and made my dreams come true!  I got to work with my favorite photographer!  Mary from Pebbles and Polka Dots Photography.  The entire experience was UNBELIEVABLE.   She made me feel gorgeous and every image I received was beyond what I had hoped for. 

Maternity photos aren't for everyone but for me it was so important to make the most of this pregnancy.  I hope for more kids in the future, but in case that isn't what is meant for us, I wanted to make sure I went all out for this one!  You only have your first baby once! And although I know this last month is going to drag, the first 8 really have gone by so quickly :)  Mary truly captured the magic of this time in my life and gave me images that I know Finley will want to see when she embarks on her own pregnancy journey. 

As a celebration of making it to my final month I am running a newborn special through my due date( August 17th)!!  I will be taking a little time off but will be booking late September due dates and later!! Email me at laura@lauralouphotography.com for details!!!  I cannot wait to capture your baby journey with you!!

Here are a few of my favorites from my maternity session!

(Photo credit: Pebbles and Polka Dots Photography)

Baby Gooch Diaries | Stafford, VA

    Four years ago Jeremy and I started our baby journey.  We had been married for almost two years and we were ready to start our family. I never could have imagined the emotional rollercoaster it would become and how hard on our marriage it would be.  But the things I have learned along the way have been priceless and truly have helped me to grow personally and most certainly have strengthened my relationship with Jeremy.  Along this journey we were told that we would not be able to have kids naturally.  I was devastated.  We had gone through a ton of testing and years of unsuccessful treatments and procedures and frankly it was exhausting.  Jeremy and I felt broken and i felt like for a good two years we were both just going through the motions trying to not let this tear us apart.  But we had gone through a lot with other things happening in our life that finally woke us up and realize that this wasn't something that would break us.  It made us realize that although things were hard we loved each other and that alone was worth fighting for.  We had to stop dwelling on the crappy and start living life again.  

    This past year we finally came to the conclusion that our last option was to try IVF or we don't have kids. It was a realization that really sucked. And I was frustrated and angry and sad, but the reality of not having kids for both us was not something we were ready to give up on.  So we made our decision to go for it and we finally started IVF.  We thankfully found success and truly were so lucky to have found the team of doctors at Shady Grove for making our baby dreams come true.  
    The last four years took its toll on both of us and it was not an easy road.  The highs and lows we went through were painful and I want to share some of the things I learned and did a long the way to help us get through this tough time.  Below are a few things that kept me moving forward and I hope that anyone out there who has faced or is currently facing this similar struggle can take something away from them.  Because you aren't alone.

PC:Moonrise Photography

The hardest part of this struggle was being told we would not have kids naturally.  From a young age you always think ok I will find a guy, get married, have a baby, and that was the natural progression of things. Being told something that should come so easily was not possible, well I felt like I was stabbed in the heart.  I had to grieve the loss of that idea. It may sound silly, but I truly went through the grieving process and it was hard. I was sad, in denial, furious, felt sorry for myself, the list went on.  I think the hardest thing for me was that I feared the intimacy of creating a baby with my husband was gone.  That was a tough thing to accept.  But I am here to tell you that going through IVF did NOT take that feeling away, it was just a different kind of intimacy. It was such an intense process where you have to rely 100% your spouse for so many things. There was no chance I would have been able to give myself shots in the stomach no matter how badly I wanted a baby, and Jeremy did them for me. He held my hand and comforted me when I was scared to death and reminded me every day that I could do this.  We were able to share things that I would never ever trade.  My favorite memory was the actual embryo transfer.  Together we experienced something so incredibly special and that alone made me forget all about it not happening naturally. Because for us this was our normal and it was more intimate than I could have imagined.

POSITIVITY is key!!! Most of those who know me would hopefully say that I am bubbly and positive!  But I certainly can get very pessimistic and anxious, especially when facing the unknown.  But I made a decision before we started that I refused no matter how hard, how painful, and how scary things could get that I would NOT let it defeat me. Easier said than done, right? But every single morning when I woke up I washed my face, took 3 deep breaths, and actually said out loud “I can do this.  It’s gong to work.  You will find your baby.”  And as simple as that routine was, it made everything so much more manageable because I was able to wrap my mind around the process. With every blood test I repeated it over and over in my head, and it kept me distracted. It forced me to remove the emotional side of what I was going through and focus on preparing for what was coming next.  And it really worked. It kept me focused on each individual step rather than the whole overwhelming process. I really think that is what helped me tolerate every part of the process just a little bit more.

Ignore the noise!  There is SOOOOOOO much noise all around you when you’re trying to have a baby. I lost count of how many times I was asked when we were going to have kids. I was so frustrated because I wanted to yell at people and say well I've been trying for 3 years back off and mind your own business.  Or when someone who did know we were trying would say oh you should go on vacation or just relax it'll happen. Or you're stress is too high. I wanted to scream.  I was so tired of hearing advice from people who had no idea what was really going on because they didn't know our full situation.  But I couldn't really fault them, because I think they were just trying to help or make me feel better.  I don't think a lot of people understand or know much about infertility struggles or the process unless they have faced it first hand.  Until you’re in it you can’t possible relate to what it feels like or how heartbreaking it is when people ask those kinds of questions.  Just ignore it. It’s so incredibly hard, I know, but when you start to ignore it, it starts to fade away.

Remember you are NOT alone.  At the beginning of all this I felt so scared because no one I knew had gone through this.  But I was so wrong.  It wasn't until I opened up with friends about our own infertility struggles that I found comfort in that there were so many others who had gone through the same thing. Realizing we weren't alone honestly encouraged us to keep on this fight.  I went from feeling alone to being one of nine people I can think of immediately that had gone through IVF.  It was insane. There was a whole world of support out there and all I had to do was open up a little and I had people giving me answers to questions I didn't even know I would have. It was amazing and it was encouraging.  And all of those people I knew had found success and I knew one day, with time, we would too.  Most importantly I learned not to be ashamed or embarrassed of our struggle because it wasn't either of our faults, it just was. And we had to move forward with the hand we got dealt.  So talk to people who have gone through it, and if you're shy and not ready that’s ok.  There are so many online support groups that are a google search away.  The one i followed was the Shady Grove Facebook page.  It was full of success stories, articles about treatment process, testing process, etc.  Shady grove alone has helped over 40,000 families have babies in the US!  And it is proof that you are not alone and don't have to feel alone.

PC: Moonrise Photography

The last thing to remember is don't give up and follow your heart! Don't give up on what you want.  Don’t give up on yourself or on you're partner.  You are in this together and the best way to get through this is with each other.  Lean on one another when you feel like giving up and always remember you are stronger than you realize!  Talk to each other and don't hold back what your thinking or feeling because you are in this together.  Family and friend support is so important as well but your partner is the one who is going to be in the thick of it with you and they are going to be your biggest support.  And don't forget to listen to your heart and follow your instincts.  Only you know what is best for you and your body.  Listen to that gut instinct and don't ignore if something feels wrong or if you aren't ready for a certain step.  IVF is a lot both emotionally and financially and only you know when you are ready or if it could be right for you.  We were actually going to start this process a lot sooner, but life dealt us things and it forced us to wait.  And to be honest as hard as it had been to wait I would not have tackled things the same way.  I don't think I would have been emotionally ready and I think things would have been 100x harder on me and also on my marriage.  And remember regardless of where your own infertility journey takes you, listen to your instincts and I promise you will get through this!!